Tell me if this happens to you:
It’s Monday. I’m idle and frenetic, overwhelmed and bored. I have a list of things to do and I keep rearranging their order but not doing them.
There is a great deal of drama about when I will eat. Before or after I exercise? Will I exercise before or after my meeting? When, in that series of events, should I do that one task that I’m dreading and which will take all of my mental focus?
(That task is now a problem for tomorrow me.)
Then the maintenance team comes and I take that as an excuse to throw the whole list away.
I spend a lot of the day fussing with emails and gearing myself up to answer one, only to realize that I don’t have the answer and need to reply with a question. That takes me two minutes. Another one goes the same way.
I’m hunched over in my chair procrastinating, feeling worse and worse.
At the end of the day as the light begins to fail I start to do it all, all at once, like always. A flurry of activity. I answer a lot of the emails. I finally get my exercise in. I clean the house. I make dinner.
I’m very grumpy about how I never seem to do anything but I also never fully rest.
The snow is falling outside just like the picture of snow falling. The end of daylight is periwinkle and even the streetlights are gold on the glittering white. I’m stretching my hips, sweating out my petty fury, very much alive, and that is all.