Are you looking for little house projects for now that the weather is cold and the pandemic is raging horribly and it’s (maybe) vacation time? Are you someone who wants to go to bed with a little smug smile at having knocked something off of a to-do list and doesn’t actually want to do real projects? I’ve got your back, and I’ll provide the estimated time-intensity of each project so you can work them into your schedule.

1. Untangling the blinds pull cord. Estimated time: five hours. Estimated bandaids needed on the raw stumps that your fingers will be: ten.

2. Organizing the files on your computer, which you’ve ported from computer to computer for the last fifteen years. Estimated time: two hours (initial attempt); a month (fresh hell of seeing evidence of the half-completed organizational attempt on your desktop); indefinite (abandoning the project and saying you’ll get back to it next time you have a minute)

3. Deep cleaning. Tier 1 deep clean: actually dusting the molding or whatever you call the thing at the base of the wall, in the places where there is no furniture blocking it so it poses no difficulty: One hour. Tier 2 deep clean: Moving the furniture to properly clean the floors underneath: Three to six hours depending on square footage. Tier 3 deep clean: I have no idea what this consists of and I don’t want to know. Infinite hours; impossible task.

4. Taking everything off your streaming queue that you put there sometime in a fugue state for some reason, as though you really wanted to watch that Flemish-language sitcom about an unhappy family: thirty minutes.

5. Scrolling through the entirety of the streaming services (all of them) adding everything you might want to ever watch to the queue that you have just emptied: a further thirty minutes.

6. Lying on the floor, wondering about how carpet is made: until bedtime